What to Do When You Don’t Want to be a Wife or Mother Anymore


Feelings of doubt and uncertainty regarding one’s role as a wife and mother are more common than many might think. According to a study by the University of Minnesota, about 10-20% of mothers experience prolonged periods of unhappiness in their role. These feelings can arise due to various factors including individual personal development, relationship challenges, or unfulfilled expectations. In this article, we will explore what steps you can take when you find yourself questioning your roles as a wife and mother.

Understanding Your Feelings

Reflect on Your Emotions

Give yourself space and time to understand what you are feeling. Reflecting on your emotions is a critical first step in navigating your feelings.

Try to identify specific aspects of your roles as a wife and mother that are causing discontent.

Seek Professional Help if Necessary

If your feelings are overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek the assistance of a licensed therapist or counselor.

Professionals can provide guidance and support, helping you to navigate your emotions and make informed decisions.

Evaluating Your Situation

Assess Your Relationship

Take a closer look at your relationship with your spouse.

Consider whether there are unresolved issues that might be contributing to your feelings.

Consider Your Own Needs and Desires

Reflect on your own needs and desires.

Think about whether these are being met within the context of your current roles.

Communicating with Your Spouse

Open and Honest Communication

Effective communication is key in any relationship.

Express your feelings to your spouse openly and honestly.

Seek Couple’s Counseling if Necessary

If communication proves to be difficult, it might be helpful to seek the assistance of a couple’s counselor.

Couple’s counseling can provide a safe space for both partners to express their feelings and work through challenges.

Reevaluating Your Role as a Mother

Understand that Your Feelings are Valid

Recognize that your feelings about motherhood are valid.

It is okay to question your role and seek ways to find fulfillment.

Explore Different Parenting Styles

Consider exploring different parenting styles.

A change in your approach to parenting might bring about a positive change in your feelings.

Finding Balance and Fulfillment

Pursue Personal Interests and Goals

Make time for yourself and pursue your own interests and goals.

Finding balance between your roles and personal identity is crucial for your well-being.

Establish a Support Network

Build a network of friends, family, or support groups who understand your feelings.

Having a support system can provide encouragement and practical help when needed.

Making Informed Decisions

Take Time to Make Decisions

Do not rush into making major life decisions.

Give yourself time to consider all aspects and potential outcomes of your choices.

Consider the Impact on Your Family

Think about how your decisions might impact your family, particularly your children.

Ensure that you are considering their well-being in your decision-making process.

Seeking Happiness and Fulfillment

Focus on What Brings You Joy

Identify aspects of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Focus on cultivating these areas of your life.

Be Kind to Yourself

Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this process.

Self-compassion is crucial as you navigate these complex emotions and decisions.


While this article does not include a conclusion, it is our hope that the information provided has been helpful in guiding you through this challenging time. Remember, you are not alone, and support is available.


FAQ Section

Q1: Is it normal to feel like I don’t want to be a wife or mother anymore?

Yes, it is quite common for women to experience these feelings at some point in their lives. Factors such as stress, lack of support, and unmet expectations can contribute to these emotions. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward addressing them and finding a resolution.

Q2: What should I do if I’m feeling overwhelmed by my roles as a wife and mother?

First, give yourself permission to feel this way without guilt. Consider speaking to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor to share your thoughts and feelings. They can provide support, understanding, and potentially helpful advice on how to navigate these emotions.

Q3: How can I communicate my feelings to my spouse without hurting their feelings?

Approach the conversation with empathy and clarity. Explain your feelings without placing blame on them. Use “I” statements to express how you feel, and be open to listening to their perspective as well. It may also be helpful to seek the guidance of a couples counselor to facilitate the conversation.

Q4: Will my feelings about not wanting to be a wife or mother affect my children?

Children are perceptive and can pick up on their parents’ emotions. It’s essential to address your feelings constructively to prevent any potential negative impact on them. Consider speaking with a family therapist for strategies on how to manage your emotions while maintaining a healthy relationship with your children.

Q5: Is it selfish to want time for myself away from my spouse and children?

No, it is not selfish. Taking time for yourself is a crucial aspect of self-care and can contribute to your overall well-being. When you are feeling rejuvenated and fulfilled, you are more likely to engage positively with your family.

Q6: How can I balance my needs with my responsibilities as a wife and mother?

Create a schedule that allocates time for your responsibilities, personal interests, and self-care. Communicate with your spouse about sharing household and parenting duties. Establishing a balance is key to maintaining your well-being and fulfilling your roles effectively.

Q7: What are some signs that I should seek professional help?

If you are experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or detachment from your spouse and children, it may be time to seek professional help. Other signs include changes in sleep or appetite, difficulty concentrating, and a lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed.

Q8: How can I find fulfillment in my roles as a wife and mother?

Focus on the aspects of these roles that bring you joy and satisfaction. Establish clear communication with your spouse about your needs and expectations. Consider joining support groups or communities of other wives and mothers to share experiences and advice.

Q9: What can I do if my spouse is not supportive of my feelings?

If your spouse is not supportive, it may be beneficial to seek couples counseling. A professional can help facilitate communication and understanding between you and your spouse. Additionally, building a support network of friends and family can provide you with the necessary emotional support.

Q10: Can changes in my relationship or parenting style improve my feelings?

Yes, making positive changes in your relationship and parenting style can contribute to improved feelings. Open communication, shared responsibilities, and mutual respect can enhance your relationship with your spouse. Exploring different parenting styles and finding what works best for your family can lead to a more fulfilling experience as a mother.

Q11: How do I know if my feelings are just a temporary phase or something more serious?

It can be challenging to differentiate between temporary feelings of discontent and more serious issues. Pay attention to how long you have been feeling this way and the intensity of your emotions. If your feelings are persistent and significantly impact your daily life, it may be time to seek professional help.

Q12: Are there any resources or support groups for women who feel like they don’t want to be a wife or mother anymore?

Yes, there are numerous resources and support groups available for women experiencing these feelings. You can search online for local or virtual groups, ask your healthcare provider for recommendations, or look for organizations dedicated to supporting women in these roles.

Q13: What impact does societal pressure have on women’s feelings about being a wife and mother?

Societal expectations and pressure can significantly impact women’s feelings about their roles as wives and mothers. The belief that women should find complete fulfillment in these roles can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy when they do not. Recognizing and challenging these societal norms can help alleviate these pressures.

Q14: How can I work on improving my self-esteem during this time?

Focus on your accomplishments and strengths, both within and outside of your roles as a wife and mother. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Consider seeking the support of a therapist to work on building your self-esteem.

Q15: What steps can I take to ensure that my decisions are in the best interest of my family?

Consider the potential impact of your decisions on your spouse and children. Communicate openly with your spouse about your thoughts and feelings, and work together to make decisions that benefit the entire family. Seeking the guidance of a family therapist can also be helpful in ensuring that your choices are in the best interest of your family.

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